Or malaise. Or something.
It was lightly snowing while I walked downtown Tuesday, to catch the bus to Chicago to see Mozart.
Like I said in my last post, it’s last time of the year when everyone starts trying to feel good because it’s spring, but I’m not ready, and also have this guilty feeling like we don’t deserve spring because it’s hardly even been winter in our climate-changed world.
And this year I seem to be having trouble with aging. Feeling like I’m disappearing, not interesting anymore, Old and in the Way. I know I’ve complained about this before, but I got reinforcement when we went to see I’m With Her a week or two ago. Almost all their songs are about relationships and break ups and the kind of angst you experience in your 30s, when you’re starting to see 40 coming up and start feeling oh so old. The Google tells me that two of the trio – Sara Watkins and Aoife O’Donovan – are in their mid-30s, but Sarah Janosz is not yet 30. Ha. Just you wait.
Maybe we need more art about aging, feeling like you have fewer choices, worrying about looking a fool if you try something new you’re not already good at. And why you can’t remember that name that word that thing. Maybe I can do that.
Yesterday afternoon when I got on the bus and we headed towards Chicago, there were kind of alarming black clouds on the horizon. About 20 miles out it started snowing really hard – looking like an unannounced spring blizzard. Except the snow made it hard to see, but didn’t stick on the road, only on the grass. In Chicago there was almost an inch on anything it could stick to, flower beds and roofs and such.
We had dinner at Little Goat – sandwiches; I had the grilled cheese, which combines cheddar and Gjetost cheese, the caramel cheese. There’s bacon in the bread, and guanciale – like prosciutto – inside the sandwich. And olives and capers and kind of a chutney with apples. Usually I don’t like stuff with so many ingredients but I liked this. Mark had the gone goat sloppy Joe, on a bun with rosemary slaw. Then we walked over to the Opera House to see Cosi Fan Tutte.
I tried to take some pictures of the Opera House’s fancy ceiling, but it didn’t work too well.
This morning it’s dry and sunny, and I almost don’t feel so old.
I missed walking out with the kids this morning, because I was on the bus back – but I’ll go on the March for our Lives March in a little over a week.